A Sisters Love

Living through this tragedy brings with it, not just the very obvious emotions and concerns, but also the not very obvious. ...........................

Jennifer is the oldest of six sisters, who all had their special relationship with her. Three of the girls are mine and three are her Daddy's and his wife's. I will speak here of my own fears and the things that my two girls are going through.

Jennifer is my oldest daughter, Heather my middle and Casey is the baby. I will write today about Heather mostly, she is having an extremely difficult time as they all are.

Heather came to me the other day and asked me, "Mom is it selfish of me that when I think of Jenn that I think of all the things that she has missed in my life?" Well, of course this is not selfish, as I told her, "No, it is natural for you to want to share your life with your sister." You see, when Jennifer and Adrianna vanished from our lives, Heather was preparing for her Senior prom and high school gradutaion. Just a couple of weeks after that terrible day in our lives, Heather was getting ready for her prom. She looked so beautiful in the prom dress! A gown that she had spoke with Jenn about over the phone and Jenn had told her that she could not wait to see her in it, of course she never did. What should have been a very magical night for Heather, was overshadowed by the fear and grief that all the family was experiencing. A few short weeks later, two months to the day after her sister and niece disappeared, came graduation. I will never forget her sitting on the field with the rest of her classmates and watching as her eyes darted around all over waiting for her sister to make an appearance. I will also never forget what she told me afterwards, "Mom, I don't believe that Jennifer is alive, I know that she would never have missed this day."...............................................................Since that day, Heather's life has continued to bring joy though I don't believe she thought that it would. She met her prince charming and he proposed to her a few months ago! She accepted and will be married next June the 10th. As she makes her wedding plans, she also makes special plans for Jennifer and Adrianna so that they can be a part of her special day. She will not ask her sister, Casey to be her Maid of Honor because she says that she would never choose between her two sisters, to ask one and not the other.

Last Friday, Heather graduated from Cosmotology School. She has a wonderful career ahead of her, one that Jennifer, I'm sure always knew that she would. Again, her big day was tempered with the fact that she could not share this day with two people who mean so much to her. That was the day that she asked me if she was being selfish.

Casey has just entered her Senior year of high school and we begin again a very bitter sweet year of celebrations that are not celebrated as they should be.

I know the things that I am writing about are very personal, but I want to somehow convey the way this has affected our entire family. Sometime all people see are the big things, the outward pleas and the small amout of media that they see. There are so many day to day things that happen to let us know that our lives will never be the same. That is until our family is complete again and we can put this all behind us and really CELEBRATE!


A sisters love is endless. The childhood memories, the secrets they share, the fact that they are not just sisters but are bestfriends. So, Heather and Casey have not just lost their sister, they have lost a bestfriend as well. If I could only take their pain and bear it all I would, but I cannot, they must somehow rise above this to fulfill the dreams that they have for themselves. I have confidence that they will, I raised three very smart, spirited, gifted, beautiful young women. They will prevail.......................................the THREE of them.

A Very Difficult Day

Wow, I made it! What a very difficult day to live through.

I began my day by trying to get up early and get on with it, but as I often do, decided to lay back down for just a while longer and prolong the inevitable. I am so very glad that I did! For all these months I have prayed and prayed for Jennifer and Adrianna to come to me in my dreams and I have never once dreamt of them. But when I layed back down and drifted back to sleep this morning, THERE THEY WERE! Right here with me! Neither of them spoke a word in my dream, Jenn just smiled at me and hugged me, in the dream she was right in my front yard! As I was hugging her, I realized this is not real, they are missing, this is a dream and I began to cry and woke up with tears streaming down my face. But the strange thing was, that I was not sad. I was happy, it was so good to see their faces, hug them and see Jennifer's beautiful smile.

Then I went to the zoo. Jenn's favorite place. I strongly felt like she was there, sharing the day with me. It was very nice, but very hot! That's ok, Jenn loves hot weather. I wish so much that I could have taken her and Adrianna with me.

I ended the day with a very dear friend, who is a tattoo artist, as he put a very special tattoo on me. It is for Jennifer, she will love it, it is a beautiful horse and has "the one searched for", in Cherokee alphabet, who a very nice Cherokee Indian translated for me whom I met online. Jennifer loves horses and I so regret never being in the position so that she could have one of her own. She has said since Adrianna was born that she would have one for her fifth birthday.

I also received a phone call from Jenn's best friend and Adrianna's Godfather. It was so nice to talk to him, he still misses Jennifer so much and he was so sad today. I have just read all the nice messages on message boards and in my email from all the very kind people who remembered Jennifer and me today. I am so thankful to have every one of these beautiful people.


I did decide that today, I would try to not think of any of the bad things, such as what may have happened to her and instead just remember Jennifer and the good times that we have had and the joy that she brought to my life. I do believe that she would want it this way and it has helped me get through this day.

Now the day draws to a close, I feel myself allowing the saddness to creep in, because I do not want this day to end, I feel so very close to Jennifer right now. Maybe this will be the last birthday without her.............................Oh, Please God let this be the last one without her.

Good night, my sweet child and Happy Birthday
I love you

Another Let Down

For almost 17 months, I cannot count the times that I have been asked, "Has Jennifer ever used the name *******?". I continue to shout to the roof tops, "Her name is Jennifer, she has never used another name, she has NO aliases!". Unless, of course, you consider Jenny Kay, Jenn, Sweetheart, Fer Fer (used by the little ones, who cannot prounounce her name) to be aliases.

Last night I made another trip to look into the eyes of a young lady who someone called and told that they thought was Jennifer. I cannot express how disheartening it is to walk away from these situations without my Jenn. Though I admit, at this point, I never really expect to see her beautiful face at the end of one of these journeys, but at the same time, I have HOPE and I must go each time. The hard part is the trip home, empty, each time a heavier feeling of emptiness around me.

It is amazing where all this journey has taken me. The places and the people that I have met on the way. But never finding the one face that I look for.......................

Last night as I took a break at a rest area, I walked past a car and heard a baby crying, on closer inspection, I found that there was an infant and a toddler in this car completly ALONE! I looked around frantically, I waited for someone to come...................waited about 20 minutes with a security guard, finally a young man came along to get in the car. He told us that the Mom had left them, got out of the car right there at the rest stop and gotten into a semi truck and left. We offered him help, he told us he was fine. He had no car seat for the toddler, we made sure that he buckled him in the back and he was on his way. I noticed that there was nothing for the children in the car and felt very leary of just walking away from this situation. I decided to get his plate number and report this to the state police. I don't know what happened or if this young man was really just in a very tough situation. I do know that I let him know quiet ademently that he should NEVER leave his children alone like that! I also know that GOD sends us through our journeys for different purposes that we sometimes do not know and understand and if this was the reason I was sent on this trip last night to look into the eyes of another "Jennifer" look alike, then it was all worth the pain that I felt as I drove back home on the dark, lonesome highway alone and hurting.

Could my Jennifer's alias be "Angel"?

A Strange Way to Meet New Friends

Mom and Jennifer on her Sweet 16th

I was thinking today of all the people that I have met in the time that Jennifer and Adrianna have been missing. It's a terrible way to make new friends and though I have met some wonderful people, I wish that we had never met. If our loved ones were not missing, we would probably have never met in life.

I have one particularly wonderful friend who has been missing her son for 15 years!!!! His name is Robert Pillsen-Rahier, he is now 30 yrs old. His Mom, Jean, is a very wonderful, caring person. She is a woman of strength to have survived this horror for all these years. Bobby is missing from Colorado Springs, CO, he was 15 yrs young when his Mom last saw his handsome face. Thank you, Jean for always being there for me. My thoughts are always with you.

I have met parents that have been down different paths of this terrible journey. Everyone one of them are very special to me. The faces of the missing seem endless.........................will our nightmare ever end? I sometime wonder how I wake up each morning and make it through another day when it seems like that I should not.

My Jennifer has a birthday this coming Tuesday, August 16th. How I wish she were here for us to share her day together. Our family had thought about gathering in her honor and we just can't, it is too painful to not have her with us. We are all planning different things in her honor, but there is nothing that we can do to fully honor the person that Jennifer is and the joy that she has brought to all our lives.

I love you, Jenny Kay!

Another Day the Same as the Last

As I wake up today, I realize quickly that this day is the same as yesterday and all the yesterdays for 16 months and nine days........

I am without my precious daughter and granddaughter, Jennifer and Adrianna Wix. They have been missing from their life and mine all this time. The pain just seems to grow within me with each passing day without seeing their beautiful faces. Jennifer was my first love, she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, just as Adrianna taught her.

I fear never seeing them again, just as I refuse to let go of the hope that I will. The impact that this lose has had on my life and the lives of my family is indescribable. I am unable to put into words the depth of the pain, the many ways that this nightmare has effected our family and they way that we go about our daily living, or is it our daily existing?

Jennifer's birthday approaches, August 16th, she will be 23 yrs young, the second birthday without her to share it with. I have searched in my heart a way to "celebrate" her day. I thought of planting a tree in our church yard, a bench at her high school.....................all these things seem too much, too final...........................I can't go there, yet.................................So I will simply spend the day alone with Jennifer in my heart at one of her favorite places on earth, the zoo. We will finish the day with our family gathered eating her favorite, chocolate birthday cake.

Jennifer and Adrianna have a website for you to visit and I hope that you will return here and share with me. This is just a place for me to put my thoughts, my memories, my fears and my hopes. I am always in Hope through this pain that only will subside when I know what happened to Jennifer and Adrianna.
www.missingwixchildren.homestead.com