A Very Difficult Day
Wow, I made it! What a very difficult day to live through.
I began my day by trying to get up early and get on with it, but as I often do, decided to lay back down for just a while longer and prolong the inevitable. I am so very glad that I did! For all these months I have prayed and prayed for Jennifer and Adrianna to come to me in my dreams and I have never once dreamt of them. But when I layed back down and drifted back to sleep this morning, THERE THEY WERE! Right here with me! Neither of them spoke a word in my dream, Jenn just smiled at me and hugged me, in the dream she was right in my front yard! As I was hugging her, I realized this is not real, they are missing, this is a dream and I began to cry and woke up with tears streaming down my face. But the strange thing was, that I was not sad. I was happy, it was so good to see their faces, hug them and see Jennifer's beautiful smile.
Then I went to the zoo. Jenn's favorite place. I strongly felt like she was there, sharing the day with me. It was very nice, but very hot! That's ok, Jenn loves hot weather. I wish so much that I could have taken her and Adrianna with me.
I ended the day with a very dear friend, who is a tattoo artist, as he put a very special tattoo on me. It is for Jennifer, she will love it, it is a beautiful horse and has "the one searched for", in Cherokee alphabet, who a very nice Cherokee Indian translated for me whom I met online. Jennifer loves horses and I so regret never being in the position so that she could have one of her own. She has said since Adrianna was born that she would have one for her fifth birthday.
I also received a phone call from Jenn's best friend and Adrianna's Godfather. It was so nice to talk to him, he still misses Jennifer so much and he was so sad today. I have just read all the nice messages on message boards and in my email from all the very kind people who remembered Jennifer and me today. I am so thankful to have every one of these beautiful people.
I did decide that today, I would try to not think of any of the bad things, such as what may have happened to her and instead just remember Jennifer and the good times that we have had and the joy that she brought to my life. I do believe that she would want it this way and it has helped me get through this day.
Now the day draws to a close, I feel myself allowing the saddness to creep in, because I do not want this day to end, I feel so very close to Jennifer right now. Maybe this will be the last birthday without her.............................Oh, Please God let this be the last one without her.
Good night, my sweet child and Happy Birthday
I love you
I began my day by trying to get up early and get on with it, but as I often do, decided to lay back down for just a while longer and prolong the inevitable. I am so very glad that I did! For all these months I have prayed and prayed for Jennifer and Adrianna to come to me in my dreams and I have never once dreamt of them. But when I layed back down and drifted back to sleep this morning, THERE THEY WERE! Right here with me! Neither of them spoke a word in my dream, Jenn just smiled at me and hugged me, in the dream she was right in my front yard! As I was hugging her, I realized this is not real, they are missing, this is a dream and I began to cry and woke up with tears streaming down my face. But the strange thing was, that I was not sad. I was happy, it was so good to see their faces, hug them and see Jennifer's beautiful smile.
Then I went to the zoo. Jenn's favorite place. I strongly felt like she was there, sharing the day with me. It was very nice, but very hot! That's ok, Jenn loves hot weather. I wish so much that I could have taken her and Adrianna with me.
I ended the day with a very dear friend, who is a tattoo artist, as he put a very special tattoo on me. It is for Jennifer, she will love it, it is a beautiful horse and has "the one searched for", in Cherokee alphabet, who a very nice Cherokee Indian translated for me whom I met online. Jennifer loves horses and I so regret never being in the position so that she could have one of her own. She has said since Adrianna was born that she would have one for her fifth birthday.
I also received a phone call from Jenn's best friend and Adrianna's Godfather. It was so nice to talk to him, he still misses Jennifer so much and he was so sad today. I have just read all the nice messages on message boards and in my email from all the very kind people who remembered Jennifer and me today. I am so thankful to have every one of these beautiful people.
I did decide that today, I would try to not think of any of the bad things, such as what may have happened to her and instead just remember Jennifer and the good times that we have had and the joy that she brought to my life. I do believe that she would want it this way and it has helped me get through this day.
Now the day draws to a close, I feel myself allowing the saddness to creep in, because I do not want this day to end, I feel so very close to Jennifer right now. Maybe this will be the last birthday without her.............................Oh, Please God let this be the last one without her.
Good night, my sweet child and Happy Birthday
I love you
posted by Mimi | 7:50 PM
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