Changes

Though it seems that my world stopped on March 25th, 2004...............................the rest of the world continued to spin around me. My heart weeps when I think of the changes in our family that have occurred since that day.......changes that Jennifer has missed......changes that have missed Jennifer.

In the time that has passed, so have people that know and love Jennifer and Adrianna. We have lost loved ones to natural deaths........there has been more tragedys for us to overcome........there has , yes, actually been happy times..........I never thought there would be happy times again.....and even though they are bitter sweet, those times do come, as the world continues to spin....

Jennifer's youngest sister has graduated high school and is preparing to leave for college. What should be a very exciting time in her life is over shadowed by the grief that she lives with everyday. There are not words to express the love that she has for her big sister and her little Adrianna. She was 14 when Adrianna was born........just in time........a live doll to play with as she left her "little girl" years behind and entered into adolesence!!!!!! Perfect timing! She helped Jennifer, every step of the way, with the baby..........and loved every minute of it. She had planned for years to become an attorney...............living through losing her sister and niece has changed those plans.............she wants no part of the laws that protect people who victimize and abuse innocent people!

Jennifer's middle sister...........just two years younger..............has met and married her true love and began a new and exciting life..................far away from the overcast of the pain that she lives with everyday, missing her big sis and her beautiful Adrianna. She agonized the entire time that she planned her wedding......feeling guilty for being so happy.....and planning something so "frivoulous" as the happiest day of her life. She is the kind of girl who has dreamed of her wedding day and planned it since she was a very young girl...................and the plan always was to have her lifelong best friend as her Maid of Honor and both her sisters as her Brides Maids......with the addition of Adrianna, flower girl............the wedding party was complete...except of course for the groom!! Now that the big day had arrived.......confusion, hurt and pain set in.........a brides maid and flower girl were missing................................so..l.......her one sister she has left was to be her maid of honor and her best friend and cousin her brides maids......with another cousin as the flower girl.............in place of her sisters presence a candle would burn in memory of the sister and niece she had lost and loved.

It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced this loss how it effects everyday of your life......................you just hang in limbo day after day..............as the world spins around you.....................the changes are painful, the things that you want to share, the decisions that you have to make..........all being made with your missing loved one in mind. I only wish that we could spin this world counter clockwise and change the hands of time...............go back to March 24th, 2004, know what we know now.............and make sure that things are different.......make sure that you hold your loved ones close and that they stay right by your side...........where no one can harm them.........no one can take them away from the people who love them.............

As I write this, I am thinking of Jennifer's grandfather...................his health is not good..............my prayer is that the next change our family encounters is that we have closure while he is still here...............that he will not leave this world without closure......I pray that Jennifer and Adrianna are still alive and will see him again...........................I love you, Jennifer and Adrianna..............through all the changes..............my love for you never changes.......till the world ceases to spin around me.