Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas, Jennifer and Adrianna

As I wake today and prepare to celebrate this most precious of all days, my mind and my heart are filled with confusion. I am so deeply sad that my family is not complete and at the same time, I have so many very happy memories of Jenn. Though my holidays spent with Adrianna were so too few, the memories are so bitter sweet. Adrianna brought a new joy to everyday, especially the Holidays.

My mind and heart are reeling....................................

Shopping with Jennifer for her new baby's gifts! Wow, that was a thrill in itself! I remember the last time we shopped together........................we had Adrianna with us, we would show her all the baby dolls......................but she wanted the real babies! She reached for and cried for each little one that we passed in the store! I remember taking her riding to see all the Christmas lights and how she loved them...........................she would say, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, pretty!" at each that we passed.

Adrianna completed five generations of women in our family. That was such a cause for celebration. It is very difficult now to go to the family gathering with the last two of those generations missing. The void is huge and very evident at every gathering.

All the Christmas's with Jennifer will always be in my heart! It has always been tradition that after leaving Meemaw's or Nanny's on Christmas Eve that we would attend Midnight Mass. Ever since Jenn was a little girl she has so enjoyed going, though she would be very sleepy, she loved the music.

This year, I feel extremely alone......................of course because of the empty place in my heart and at the table, but because one of my daughter's is out of the country for the holiday and the other has to work. I'm just sitting here this morning trying to figure out how to deal with the emptiness........................................my heart hurts.

I love you, Jennifer and Adrianna, wherever you are. I always will and nothing will fill the void until you return again to join your family and complete us all again.

Merry Christmas

The pictures above are Jenn's fourth Christmas and Adrianna's second Christmas, my heart will forever stay molded with the images of the last photograph.