I miss you more everyday!

Happy Birthday, Adrianna Nikol Wix!

2008-01-14T17:11:00.000-08:00

Wherever you are I hope that turning six years old is magical and wonderful.........I love you sweet angel...........I wish that I had more memories with you, two years is just not enough! But believe me the two years of memories that I have are so precious to me and are treasured like gold. I think about you everyday.......just a baby when I last saw your face.........now a little girl..........I wonder if your healthy, if your going to school, who are your best friends, do you have a pet, are you snaggle toothed, do you smile alot, are you afraid of the dark (like your mommy), is your hair long (like your mommy), do you sing, do you dance, do you love the warm sunshine or the falling snow, do you eat your vegetables?????????????????????? I wonder all this and more constantly....... ......
Mimi has you a birthday present for when you come home, you have four of them waiting for you now........I try to get you something that no matter what your personality or how old you get you will still treasure your gift. Aunt Casey is watching Monsters Inc and eating Cheerios for you tonight, she loves and misses you so much........I hope that you remember her. I know that you must be such a sweet little girl.........that I know could never have changed, of that I am sure.

I will hold you in my arms again, I know this is true............Jesus told me so............

I love you sweet baby................Happy Birthday.........please take care of Mommy and bring you both home to all who love you very soon...................

2006-12-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

I WISH (In Search of the Missing Children)

Dedicated to Missing Children
Artist Vienna
Thank you for her beautiful voice and dedication to all missing children
www.viennarocks.com

Changes

2006-07-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

Though it seems that my world stopped on March 25th, 2004...............................the rest of the world continued to spin around me. My heart weeps when I think of the changes in our family that have occurred since that day.......changes that Jennifer has missed......changes that have missed Jennifer.

In the time that has passed, so have people that know and love Jennifer and Adrianna. We have lost loved ones to natural deaths........there has been more tragedys for us to overcome........there has , yes, actually been happy times..........I never thought there would be happy times again.....and even though they are bitter sweet, those times do come, as the world continues to spin....

Jennifer's youngest sister has graduated high school and is preparing to leave for college. What should be a very exciting time in her life is over shadowed by the grief that she lives with everyday. There are not words to express the love that she has for her big sister and her little Adrianna. She was 14 when Adrianna was born........just in time........a live doll to play with as she left her "little girl" years behind and entered into adolesence!!!!!! Perfect timing! She helped Jennifer, every step of the way, with the baby..........and loved every minute of it. She had planned for years to become an attorney...............living through losing her sister and niece has changed those plans.............she wants no part of the laws that protect people who victimize and abuse innocent people!

Jennifer's middle sister...........just two years younger..............has met and married her true love and began a new and exciting life..................far away from the overcast of the pain that she lives with everyday, missing her big sis and her beautiful Adrianna. She agonized the entire time that she planned her wedding......feeling guilty for being so happy.....and planning something so "frivoulous" as the happiest day of her life. She is the kind of girl who has dreamed of her wedding day and planned it since she was a very young girl...................and the plan always was to have her lifelong best friend as her Maid of Honor and both her sisters as her Brides Maids......with the addition of Adrianna, flower girl............the wedding party was complete...except of course for the groom!! Now that the big day had arrived.......confusion, hurt and pain set in.........a brides maid and flower girl were missing................................so..l.......her one sister she has left was to be her maid of honor and her best friend and cousin her brides maids......with another cousin as the flower girl.............in place of her sisters presence a candle would burn in memory of the sister and niece she had lost and loved.

It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced this loss how it effects everyday of your life......................you just hang in limbo day after day..............as the world spins around you.....................the changes are painful, the things that you want to share, the decisions that you have to make..........all being made with your missing loved one in mind. I only wish that we could spin this world counter clockwise and change the hands of time...............go back to March 24th, 2004, know what we know now.............and make sure that things are different.......make sure that you hold your loved ones close and that they stay right by your side...........where no one can harm them.........no one can take them away from the people who love them.............

As I write this, I am thinking of Jennifer's grandfather...................his health is not good..............my prayer is that the next change our family encounters is that we have closure while he is still here...............that he will not leave this world without closure......I pray that Jennifer and Adrianna are still alive and will see him again...........................I love you, Jennifer and Adrianna..............through all the changes..............my love for you never changes.......till the world ceases to spin around me.

Happy Easter Angels

2006-04-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

Easter morning...............my mind and my heart are flooded with memories...................good, sweet memories that make me smile! Easter has always been a huge Holiday for our family, a beautiful day, filled with church, song, flowers, food, friends, family, candy, laughter, easter egg hunts, pretty dresses and bonnetts........................................

All of Jennifer's favorites racing through my memory and wondering what (if anything), Adrianna would like to eat....what would be her favorites? Or would she be like her Mommy at that age and be much more interested in the basket of candy and hunting the eggs that she knows await her?

I can so imagine Jennifer fussing over her pretty little dress and trying her best to keep her from getting chocolate on it or one of those pretty pastels from the Easter eggs...........Jennifer and her sisters wore bonnetts or hats on Easter and I can see Adrianna running through the grass holding her hat from the wind as she hunts for each of the wonderful surprises that await her in the grass and flowers and her beautiful face as she shows each and everyone to her Mommy with amazment..............................

Our family would have attended church this morning together. My memory takes me back to Jenn as a little girl in church. She was always so good, never one day spent in the nursery! I can see her as she kneels to say her prayers and give thanks for her family. We are Catholic and Jennifer was always too shy to be an alter server, she did try cross and candle bearer for awhile, but she was too nervous, so afraid that she would do something wrong...................so she decided that she would be an usher/greeter instead..........what a great decision on her part, she was perfect for the job and loved it!!! Today, Jennifer would have knelt and gave thanks to God for the wonderful gift of her beautiful daughter, I would have been beside her with the same thankful prayer.............and so today, I give thanks to God for the time that I had with my daughter, allowing me to be a part of her life and also for briefly giving us Adrianna to share and complete our bond........my Angels.............

Later today, I will attend a family dinner, but now it is different................no Jennifer, no Adrianna, no pretty dresses or bonnetts, just food and what's left of our family................a different family................one filled with grief, confusion, anger and questions.....................two empty chairs for my angels will be there.......................my heart full of sweet memories of Easter's gone......................................

I miss you Jennifer and Adrianna more than words could ever say.....................Mom

2006-04-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's been two years now...........................will this agony and pain ever end? Will I ever see my sweet girls again? Will they at least be able to ever rest?

The pain is as fresh today as it was that horrible day two years ago, on March 25. 2004. Nothing has changed, time has stopped in so many ways. I read somewhere that a parent experiencing this seems to have one foot stuck in that day (the day their child vanished) and another foot in the here and now, taking care of the other children, going to work, sweeping the floor. That is so true. I remember the day that I fell to my knees in my front yard and knew that something terrible was wrong just like it was yesterday. In so many ways, I am still in that position. It still seems at times, to be just unreal, sometimes I still wake up thinking maybe it was all just a bad dream.

There are so many things that I long to share with my daughter and so many things that I dream of sharing with my granddaughter. I logged onto the computer today to check in and one of the first things that I saw was a different face staring back at me from the screen when I went to the NCMEC site to look at Adrianna's face. Her age progression is done and posted as a new flyer. What a shock! I had in my mind that Adrianna would still look basically the same and that I would know her if I ever saw her, no matter how old she was. What I saw amazed me, it occured to me that I could walk right past this little girl and not recognize her as my own sweet grandbaby. Is that possible? Could she change that much? I do know that she is not a baby anymore, but a little girl, who will soon be getting ready for school. I also realize that I have lost the opportunity to do alot of the things that I wanted to do with her. Those were baby things.......she probably would not be interested in them anymore, those times are lost. Now I will progress farther with the things that I want to share with her, things that would be more age appropriate for her. I know that if I can ever find her that we can make up for the lost time........I know that we can.

Pretty Little Adrianna

2006-01-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

Adrianna's birthday has come and gone............................................I admit that yesterday, I was basically worthless..so sad, so lonely, wishing that I could change time............I have been completly lost in my thoughts of Nina................................

The joy and the beauty that one little girl brought into my life, it's amazing. And the joy and beauty that are missing in my life is devastating. On the day that she was born, I was drawn closer to my own daughter than I could ever have imagined. Jennifer would not allow me to leave her side as she gave birth to Adrianna, and when the moment arrived I was there to see Adrianna into the world and the complete joy on her Mommy's face. Adrianna's was such a good baby. So easy for Jennifer to slip into her new role as a Mother. It was almost as if this beautiful little baby knew exactly what her presence in our lives meant. Her beauty was radiant!!!!

It's hard to put into words how much I miss the laughter of Adrianna in my life. She is so cute, so funny, so smart.......................all the things that give us hope in our world. The thought of someone taking that hope from us all is unbearable.............................................................

I miss her, I love her, I long to hold her in my arms again. My birthday wish for Adrianna is that someday soon she will be with her family again and that we can celebrate once again the beauty, the joy, the hope that she brought to us all the day she came into this world.

Happy Birthday, my pretty little Adrianna.

Love You Forever,
Your Mimi

Merry Christmas!!

2005-12-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Jennifer and Adrianna

As I wake today and prepare to celebrate this most precious of all days, my mind and my heart are filled with confusion. I am so deeply sad that my family is not complete and at the same time, I have so many very happy memories of Jenn. Though my holidays spent with Adrianna were so too few, the memories are so bitter sweet. Adrianna brought a new joy to everyday, especially the Holidays.

My mind and heart are reeling....................................

Shopping with Jennifer for her new baby's gifts! Wow, that was a thrill in itself! I remember the last time we shopped together........................we had Adrianna with us, we would show her all the baby dolls......................but she wanted the real babies! She reached for and cried for each little one that we passed in the store! I remember taking her riding to see all the Christmas lights and how she loved them...........................she would say, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, pretty!" at each that we passed.

Adrianna completed five generations of women in our family. That was such a cause for celebration. It is very difficult now to go to the family gathering with the last two of those generations missing. The void is huge and very evident at every gathering.

All the Christmas's with Jennifer will always be in my heart! It has always been tradition that after leaving Meemaw's or Nanny's on Christmas Eve that we would attend Midnight Mass. Ever since Jenn was a little girl she has so enjoyed going, though she would be very sleepy, she loved the music.

This year, I feel extremely alone......................of course because of the empty place in my heart and at the table, but because one of my daughter's is out of the country for the holiday and the other has to work. I'm just sitting here this morning trying to figure out how to deal with the emptiness........................................my heart hurts.

I love you, Jennifer and Adrianna, wherever you are. I always will and nothing will fill the void until you return again to join your family and complete us all again.

Merry Christmas

The pictures above are Jenn's fourth Christmas and Adrianna's second Christmas, my heart will forever stay molded with the images of the last photograph.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

The time approaches again that I used to look so forward to every year. Now...........................I'm not sure how I feel. Thanksgiving is especially difficult...............this is the last holiday that I spent with Jennifer and Adrianna. I didn't get to spend that last Christmas with them, Joey robbed that memory from me, just as I believe, all the memories to be made have been taken from me, my family, Jennifer and Adrianna. You see, I didn't believe that this man was good for my daughter and granddaughter. I saw something in his eyes, along with the disrespect that he showed to me, my daughter and other members of our family. Jennifer loved him...................she wanted to be with him, wanted a family with him...............this she persued against the advice of her family. So she decided to spend that last Christmas with he and his family instead of her own as an outward expression of her love for him. She had no way of knowing that she would not be here to share other holidays with her family.

Last year, I did not spend the holidays with my family. I chose to go away, to do anything different from the normal family traditions. This year....................I'm staying with my family.

After alot of thought and prayer, I have decided that here is where Jennifer would want me to be. My other two daughters will spend their last year, at home, as children this year. One is to be married in the Spring and she is moving away. The other will graduate high school in the Spring and then off to college in the fall. This has all been so difficult for them and I want them to have a part of the memories of their childhood to take with them into their lives.

Thanksgiving....................................A time to give thanks.......................................Boy, has that been a thought process in my mind and heart. Though there is a gapping hole in my heart...............I have so much to be thankful for. My memories of Jennifer and Adrianna and the time that I was given with them, though so short, every minute is so precious. Both of them taught me so many things about love and about life. For that I am thankful..................................I am thankful for my two other daughters, without them I don't think I would have survived this tragedy. They are beautiful, smart, funny.......................everything that a Mother could ask for in her children. I am blessed to have them as my daughters, as my friends. ...........................When my family gathers on Thursday, it will be at the home of my Grandparents, yes.............a middle aged woman who is still blessed to have her grandparents in her life!!! For them, I am thankful. The internet is not large enough to write the memories that I have with my Nanny and Pop!!!! My Nanny's stuffing is one of Jennifer's favorite parts about Thanksgiving..............This year, I will eat enough for the both of us....................................For my parents, I am so grateful.............my Mom is a rock, always there and strong. She carries so many burdens for us all. I will go on Wednesday and help her cook the holiday feast and spend some quality time with her, knowing that every moment is precious and cannot be lived again...............................For my husband.........Wow! The only thing that I know to say is, He Is There Always!!!!!!!!!!He is a constant in my world, just knowing that he is there and supports me warms my heart................For my sister....Oh, I am so thankful for her. We have always been so close. She has been like a second Mom for my children, they know and I know that we can depend on her. Like my Mom, she is a rock. We share many special memories together, for those memories, I am thankful.

So, when I thought of going away for the Holiday and hiding from the reality, I had to ask myself, what would Jennifer want????????? I know the answer she would give, I know my daughter, she would tell me to stay with my family and to be thankful for them. I know that wherever I go, Jenn is somehow with me, so...................................together, we will partake in the feast that we are blessed to have, with the family and friends that we are blessed to have in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving, Jennifer and Adrianna
Happy Thanksgiving to All

Finally!!!! National Attention for Jenn and Nina

2005-10-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Thank you to The Montel Williams show!

This coming Friday, October, 21st, 2005 The Montel Williams show will air a segment on the disappearance of Jennifer and Adrianna! This will be the first time that their faces will be seen across the country to a national audience. I strongly feel that if Jenn and Adrianna are out there anywhere to be found that this could be what it takes to get them safely home again. My heartfelt gratitude to Montel and his staff for doing this. I commend Montel for the work that he does for many of the families that have a missing loved one. I wish we had more people like him doing this, then we might all be able to sleep better at night.

I was very nervous doing the taping for the show. The show sent a videographer to our home and interviewed me and filmed lots of things. The young man, Scott, who came to us was very kind and very patient. I hate being in front of a camera of any kind and hope that the film turns out ok on Fridays show. I kept telling myself, nothing matters but bringing Jenn and Nina home to us. It's always very difficult and emotional to go back to the very beginning and relive every moment by telling someone else about it. I relive that time all the time in my head and heart, but to actually tell a stranger about all the details seems to just open up wounds and pour salt into them. When I cry, I cannot talk at the same time and we kept having to stop the filming for me to get together, so I hope that the footage comes out ok.

I noticed that the girls pictures are already on the Montel website, so the exposure has already begun! I'm sure there will also be upcoming episode commercials all week, so there is alot of exposure for the girls in this eight minutes of film that will actually be aired.

Please, please, let this bring the lead that will help us to find Jennifer and Adrianna!

Go to The Montel Williams Show for more details!

Neverending Heartbreak

2005-10-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

In the last week, I am sure that many have heard about little Valery Lozada, the four year old little girl abandoned in Queens, New York City in the middle of the night by her Mommy's boyfriend. I just cannot get this little angel off my mind. When I first heard about Valery, I was on the computer (as usual), I saw that a four year old, unidentified, had been found on the street alone and they were looking for someone who knew her. I have to say that as the picture of her sweet face downloaded onto my computer screen, my heart stopped and I did not catch another breath until I could see clearly her beautiful face............................

You see, just for a minute, I thought that it was my Adrianna. Yes, I know, there are many differences between Adrianna and Valery, but at the same time there are many similiarties. After seeing her face and reading the story, I just simply cried my eyes out. How could anyone leave this well cared for little girl in the middle of the night on the streets of New York City?

I admit that from the beginning I did not feel there would be a good outcome. I feared for her Mommy from that very minute. Well, we all know the outcome, which is too painful to even write about. But I cannot help but ask, what is wrong with this world? How can so many horrible things continue to happen? Has it always been this way and until I became a victim, I just did not notice?

Oh, how I wish that I could just bring little Valery to my home and love her. Oh, how I wish that I could bring my little Adrianna home and love her.

I have no idea what has happened to Jennifer and Adrianna, but I do know that my life will not go on until I find out. I have not written lately, that is because, some days and weeks it is just too difficult to put my feelings into words. I want to say that I will always hold out hope that Jennifer and Adrianna are still alive and I will someday see them again. For this reason, I will write, in the next few days, a message to Jennifer. In hopes that she somehow can read this blog and will know how much she is missed and loved.

I would like to ask that each of you, along with Jennifer and Adrianna, that you hold little Valery close to your heart. Thank you for reading my blog and for all the wonderful comments that I have received from you all.

Hold your children close and tell them how much you love them every chance that you get. Remember that your lives can change in an instant and forever alter the way that you see the world around you.

Patience

2005-09-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

How long can my patience continue? I have waited almost 18 months to see Jennifer and Adrianna's faces or hear their voices again.

I woke this morning and found that I have very little patience left. I do not understand why law enforecment has taken so very long to do things that should have been done so quickly. There are so many things that have taken place in all these months and when the cops learn of it, it is my belief that they should act swiftly, but instead, I sit here and wonder why they do not. When will they finally get around to checking even the simplest things? What is taking them so long? Each time I speak with them, they just put me off, come up with more excuses for why they have not done things or just simply tell me that they cannot discuss the case with me.

It is ubelievable but, they will not discuss the facts of the case with Jennifer and Adrianna's family as "long as the case is open". When I ask how long they will consider it to be an open case, they tell me "until we find them". That is a good thing, I know, but it sure gives them a good "out" to not really do anything on the case, and none of the girls loved ones can hold them accountable. I don't like that at all!

Yes, my patience are growing tired. I want some action out of our local law enforcement and the detectives in charge of investigating the case. I want some investigating!

Just a little frustration release this morning.

Time

2005-09-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

How is it possible to move forward from this place in time? I don't even know this place.........this must be the "limbo" that I have always heard about.

I need to touch, hear, see, smell you. I need the world to know that you ARE real. I need God to answer my prayer. It is impossible to move from this spot without these simple, but difficult request be fulfilled.

A large part of me is lost, there is a gaping hole. I fear what I will become if I never find this dearly loved part of myself. Though it is a thought that I try to never allow to enter my mind, now and then, it is there.........................................wonder if you never come back to me? How will life be forever without you?

How does this happen? How were we picked to become a statistic? How can others live with themselves holding secrets, keeping silent while our family crys and begs for mercy, for answers, for the truth? My children matter, my children are real, they existed, they vanished..... no one must ever forget that, ever.................................

How will I move forward with time?...............................................I don't, time stopped on March 25, 2004

A Sisters Love

2005-08-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Living through this tragedy brings with it, not just the very obvious emotions and concerns, but also the not very obvious. ...........................

Jennifer is the oldest of six sisters, who all had their special relationship with her. Three of the girls are mine and three are her Daddy's and his wife's. I will speak here of my own fears and the things that my two girls are going through.

Jennifer is my oldest daughter, Heather my middle and Casey is the baby. I will write today about Heather mostly, she is having an extremely difficult time as they all are.

Heather came to me the other day and asked me, "Mom is it selfish of me that when I think of Jenn that I think of all the things that she has missed in my life?" Well, of course this is not selfish, as I told her, "No, it is natural for you to want to share your life with your sister." You see, when Jennifer and Adrianna vanished from our lives, Heather was preparing for her Senior prom and high school gradutaion. Just a couple of weeks after that terrible day in our lives, Heather was getting ready for her prom. She looked so beautiful in the prom dress! A gown that she had spoke with Jenn about over the phone and Jenn had told her that she could not wait to see her in it, of course she never did. What should have been a very magical night for Heather, was overshadowed by the fear and grief that all the family was experiencing. A few short weeks later, two months to the day after her sister and niece disappeared, came graduation. I will never forget her sitting on the field with the rest of her classmates and watching as her eyes darted around all over waiting for her sister to make an appearance. I will also never forget what she told me afterwards, "Mom, I don't believe that Jennifer is alive, I know that she would never have missed this day."...............................................................Since that day, Heather's life has continued to bring joy though I don't believe she thought that it would. She met her prince charming and he proposed to her a few months ago! She accepted and will be married next June the 10th. As she makes her wedding plans, she also makes special plans for Jennifer and Adrianna so that they can be a part of her special day. She will not ask her sister, Casey to be her Maid of Honor because she says that she would never choose between her two sisters, to ask one and not the other.

Last Friday, Heather graduated from Cosmotology School. She has a wonderful career ahead of her, one that Jennifer, I'm sure always knew that she would. Again, her big day was tempered with the fact that she could not share this day with two people who mean so much to her. That was the day that she asked me if she was being selfish.

Casey has just entered her Senior year of high school and we begin again a very bitter sweet year of celebrations that are not celebrated as they should be.

I know the things that I am writing about are very personal, but I want to somehow convey the way this has affected our entire family. Sometime all people see are the big things, the outward pleas and the small amout of media that they see. There are so many day to day things that happen to let us know that our lives will never be the same. That is until our family is complete again and we can put this all behind us and really CELEBRATE!

A sisters love is endless. The childhood memories, the secrets they share, the fact that they are not just sisters but are bestfriends. So, Heather and Casey have not just lost their sister, they have lost a bestfriend as well. If I could only take their pain and bear it all I would, but I cannot, they must somehow rise above this to fulfill the dreams that they have for themselves. I have confidence that they will, I raised three very smart, spirited, gifted, beautiful young women. They will prevail.......................................the THREE of them.

A Very Difficult Day

2005-08-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, I made it! What a very difficult day to live through.

I began my day by trying to get up early and get on with it, but as I often do, decided to lay back down for just a while longer and prolong the inevitable. I am so very glad that I did! For all these months I have prayed and prayed for Jennifer and Adrianna to come to me in my dreams and I have never once dreamt of them. But when I layed back down and drifted back to sleep this morning, THERE THEY WERE! Right here with me! Neither of them spoke a word in my dream, Jenn just smiled at me and hugged me, in the dream she was right in my front yard! As I was hugging her, I realized this is not real, they are missing, this is a dream and I began to cry and woke up with tears streaming down my face. But the strange thing was, that I was not sad. I was happy, it was so good to see their faces, hug them and see Jennifer's beautiful smile.

Then I went to the zoo. Jenn's favorite place. I strongly felt like she was there, sharing the day with me. It was very nice, but very hot! That's ok, Jenn loves hot weather. I wish so much that I could have taken her and Adrianna with me.

I ended the day with a very dear friend, who is a tattoo artist, as he put a very special tattoo on me. It is for Jennifer, she will love it, it is a beautiful horse and has "the one searched for", in Cherokee alphabet, who a very nice Cherokee Indian translated for me whom I met online. Jennifer loves horses and I so regret never being in the position so that she could have one of her own. She has said since Adrianna was born that she would have one for her fifth birthday.

I also received a phone call from Jenn's best friend and Adrianna's Godfather. It was so nice to talk to him, he still misses Jennifer so much and he was so sad today. I have just read all the nice messages on message boards and in my email from all the very kind people who remembered Jennifer and me today. I am so thankful to have every one of these beautiful people.

I did decide that today, I would try to not think of any of the bad things, such as what may have happened to her and instead just remember Jennifer and the good times that we have had and the joy that she brought to my life. I do believe that she would want it this way and it has helped me get through this day.

Now the day draws to a close, I feel myself allowing the saddness to creep in, because I do not want this day to end, I feel so very close to Jennifer right now. Maybe this will be the last birthday without her.............................Oh, Please God let this be the last one without her.

Good night, my sweet child and Happy Birthday
I love you

Another Let Down

2005-08-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

For almost 17 months, I cannot count the times that I have been asked, "Has Jennifer ever used the name *******?". I continue to shout to the roof tops, "Her name is Jennifer, she has never used another name, she has NO aliases!". Unless, of course, you consider Jenny Kay, Jenn, Sweetheart, Fer Fer (used by the little ones, who cannot prounounce her name) to be aliases.

Last night I made another trip to look into the eyes of a young lady who someone called and told that they thought was Jennifer. I cannot express how disheartening it is to walk away from these situations without my Jenn. Though I admit, at this point, I never really expect to see her beautiful face at the end of one of these journeys, but at the same time, I have HOPE and I must go each time. The hard part is the trip home, empty, each time a heavier feeling of emptiness around me.

It is amazing where all this journey has taken me. The places and the people that I have met on the way. But never finding the one face that I look for.......................

Last night as I took a break at a rest area, I walked past a car and heard a baby crying, on closer inspection, I found that there was an infant and a toddler in this car completly ALONE! I looked around frantically, I waited for someone to come...................waited about 20 minutes with a security guard, finally a young man came along to get in the car. He told us that the Mom had left them, got out of the car right there at the rest stop and gotten into a semi truck and left. We offered him help, he told us he was fine. He had no car seat for the toddler, we made sure that he buckled him in the back and he was on his way. I noticed that there was nothing for the children in the car and felt very leary of just walking away from this situation. I decided to get his plate number and report this to the state police. I don't know what happened or if this young man was really just in a very tough situation. I do know that I let him know quiet ademently that he should NEVER leave his children alone like that! I also know that GOD sends us through our journeys for different purposes that we sometimes do not know and understand and if this was the reason I was sent on this trip last night to look into the eyes of another "Jennifer" look alike, then it was all worth the pain that I felt as I drove back home on the dark, lonesome highway alone and hurting.

Could my Jennifer's alias be "Angel"?

A Strange Way to Meet New Friends

2005-08-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

Mom and Jennifer on her Sweet 16th

I was thinking today of all the people that I have met in the time that Jennifer and Adrianna have been missing. It's a terrible way to make new friends and though I have met some wonderful people, I wish that we had never met. If our loved ones were not missing, we would probably have never met in life.

I have one particularly wonderful friend who has been missing her son for 15 years!!!! His name is Robert Pillsen-Rahier, he is now 30 yrs old. His Mom, Jean, is a very wonderful, caring person. She is a woman of strength to have survived this horror for all these years. Bobby is missing from Colorado Springs, CO, he was 15 yrs young when his Mom last saw his handsome face. Thank you, Jean for always being there for me. My thoughts are always with you.

I have met parents that have been down different paths of this terrible journey. Everyone one of them are very special to me. The faces of the missing seem endless.........................will our nightmare ever end? I sometime wonder how I wake up each morning and make it through another day when it seems like that I should not.

My Jennifer has a birthday this coming Tuesday, August 16th. How I wish she were here for us to share her day together. Our family had thought about gathering in her honor and we just can't, it is too painful to not have her with us. We are all planning different things in her honor, but there is nothing that we can do to fully honor the person that Jennifer is and the joy that she has brought to all our lives.

I love you, Jenny Kay!

Another Day the Same as the Last

2005-08-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

As I wake up today, I realize quickly that this day is the same as yesterday and all the yesterdays for 16 months and nine days........

I am without my precious daughter and granddaughter, Jennifer and Adrianna Wix. They have been missing from their life and mine all this time. The pain just seems to grow within me with each passing day without seeing their beautiful faces. Jennifer was my first love, she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, just as Adrianna taught her.

I fear never seeing them again, just as I refuse to let go of the hope that I will. The impact that this lose has had on my life and the lives of my family is indescribable. I am unable to put into words the depth of the pain, the many ways that this nightmare has effected our family and they way that we go about our daily living, or is it our daily existing?

Jennifer's birthday approaches, August 16th, she will be 23 yrs young, the second birthday without her to share it with. I have searched in my heart a way to "celebrate" her day. I thought of planting a tree in our church yard, a bench at her high school.....................all these things seem too much, too final...........................I can't go there, yet.................................So I will simply spend the day alone with Jennifer in my heart at one of her favorite places on earth, the zoo. We will finish the day with our family gathered eating her favorite, chocolate birthday cake.

Jennifer and Adrianna have a website for you to visit and I hope that you will return here and share with me. This is just a place for me to put my thoughts, my memories, my fears and my hopes. I am always in Hope through this pain that only will subside when I know what happened to Jennifer and Adrianna.
www.missingwixchildren.homestead.com